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“HELP! A Catfish Has My Nude Pics and Is Blackmailing Me for $1,000!”
How To Ask A Girl For Nudes
April 8, 2024 by Connell Barrett Leave a Comment
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ASK THE DATING COACH: A romance expert takes your questions on love, lust, and how to find The One.
I was texting someone on a dating app. Wet felt like a great vibe. She dispatched me some nudes, and I put some R-rated injections back. But it was a scam!
The next message told me to “cooperate” and send $2,000 or else they would deliver the photos to everyone I find out in Fb, including my mom and my boss.
I sent $250 over a cash app. Should I pay out the sleep? I feel like such an idiot.
-Anonymous, 39, Chicago
You’re not alone, Anonymous. The U.S. Homeland Security received over 3,000 sextortion complaints in 2022, an all-time high in the United States. The crime of sextortion-blackmailing someone by threatening to share explicit images of them-is on the rise.
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So don’t blame yourself. You’re human. Con artists will be deviously good at what they carry out. It’s not your fault. They first prey on your innate desire for romantic connection, and in that case they fodder on the waste you would look and feel if your mommy or superior found those personal photos. You have been deceived and victimized.
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As for next steps, do NOT pay this scam artist another penny. The more you engage with them, the more they’ll threaten you. In no way negotiate with a blackmailer. They recognize they received’testosterone obtain another dime from you After, they’ll lose the incentive to share your photos-a threat that was likely an empty one to begin with.
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Cease all communications with them. (Try 1-800-CALL-FBI.) You can enter a scams submission with the money app you applied as well, to try and get your $250 back. Take screen shots of all of your interactions with them. Report them immediately, first to the relevant dating app, and to the FBI then.
= $ =p>You might, FBI? I only aside want this to head out. Taking your case to the Feds could stop this sociopath from doing this to other men. So pay it forward. You are heard by me. But you possess a great deal of research, from saved screen-shots to the scammer’s online and cash-app handles.
Here are some ways to avoid being a victim of sextortion going forward.
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- Never send explicit photos or personal information to anyone you haven’t met IRL. - If an individual you don’p recognize suggests you for private data or racy pictures, say no.
- Report threats by screenshotting any potential evidence. Save all conversations, messages or chats.
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Now, if you’re flirting with a new crush, and you’re concerned that their profile is fake, you can work a photo of them through a reverse-image look for at www.Tineye.com.
A parting tip: Unless you’re on the Antiques Road Show, in no way display a stranger your junk.
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I’VE HAD BITTER DAYS
I’m almost 30 and I have never had a girlfriend. I feel rejected by women, and bitter and resentful also. If I had been born an attractive woman, I would possess a lot of dating options. It’s not fair just.
The thing is, I desire to resent ladies wear’w not. It bothers me. I feel stuck. I can’t get a girlfriend, and I can’t escape thinking bitter when I see women get fawned over and pursued, without having to work on their dating lives like I’m forced to do.
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Why is it so easy for women and so hard for men like me?
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-Martin, 30, Los Angeles
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I know all about feeling rejected by women, Martin. I attracted only one woman into my life, and I wasn’t all that into her. Nine weeks after we tied the knot, she still left me for a mustachioed person on a Harley. With no other romantic options, I decided to settle and marry her because that seemed better than being alone. My 20s was a lonely decade.
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You read that right. But I was laughing through tears. Nine weeks. “The marriage seemed to be over so fast that we fought for custody of the wedding cake, ” I joked to friends at the time. I felt bitter, resentful and rejected.
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Then I read Man’s Search For Meaning, by holocaust survivor Viktor Frankl. In his groundbreaking book, Frankl can make the situation that battling can be portion of becoming human being. But we may well find meaning and empowerment in our struggles. We can transform pain into purpose by asking a simple yet powerful question: We cannot avoid it.
“How is thwill be happening for me, rather than to me?”
My bitterness came from playing the victim. Because women are shallow. Why is dating so hard? ” The answers arrived back as, “Because you’re not attractive. And playing the victim came from asking the wrong questions: “Why me? Because it’s just the way it is.” Why don’t women like me?
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Ask a toxic question, get a harmful answer.
But when instead I asked, “How is this happening for me?”, I got a better (not bitter) answer: “This problem is a gift. Wet’s a call to action to get great at dating, become a better man, and find a loving partner.”
This reframe turned my victim story into a hero’s journey. It’t the nearly all crucial job I’ve completed on myself actually, and it’s what led me to a career as a dating coach, helping thousands of good men find love. I embarked on a years-long quest to crack the code of male-female connection.
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My lonely 20s and my failed “marriage” happened FOR me, not TO me.
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Martin, when you ask “Why is dating so hard for me? Your pain stems from perceived unfairness. Therefore, I’m bitter. When you ask, “Why will be it so easy for women? ”, I hear the whiff of victimhood in your query. ”, your answer invites resentment. It’s easy for women but hard for me.
So ask a better question: “How is thwill be happening for me, rather than to me?”
Could this be an opportunity to grow? Of expressing “I’e required to job on my going out with daily life Alternatively,” how about realizing “I GET to work on my dating life”?
What a wonderful, vital self-improvement project you get to tackle! You get to build the cathedral of your character. You get to hone social skills that will serve you in multiple life arenas. You get to solve a challenge that, fixed once, will bring romantic movie and fulfillment and take pleasure in. You get to grow more confident.
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Yes, I concede that many women (and plenty of men) have an easier time getting dates than you do. But attractive women have dating problems, too.
I once went on a first date with Rebecca, a bright, beautiful businesswoman We’d met on Bumble. The concerned seeing mentor Ever before, I asked to see how many men had “liked” her profile. She held up her phine to rvitamin eveal 5,000+ wannabe suitors in her cue!
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This weighed on her. It’t challenging to get a excellent male.” “I’m not interested in most of them, and tons of guys I suit with desire love-making just. “It’s overwhelming,” she sighed.
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Everyone has dating problems.
So stop asking “Why me? ” These queries lead to the bitterness and jealousy you prefer to free yourself from. ” or “Why are women so lucky?
Here are three powerful questions to ask instead.
1: What can I do today to become 1% better as a man?
Don’t underestimate the power of steady, incremental improvement. If you expand as a gentleman simply just 1 percentage every day time for a 12 months, in 12 months you’ll end up 37 TIMES more evolved, date-able and attractive.
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2: How can I empathize with women’s dating woes?
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Empathy is a superpower. To jettwill beon envy, practice empathy. Women have to deal with lewd selfies, creeps, stalkers and the threat of sexual violence. It’t nearly difficult to concurrently experience sympathy for ladies and bitterness toward them.
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3: How can I give to women while staying true to myself?
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In love as in life, you gotta give in order to get. Get better at flirting, connecting, listening, approaching, and so on. Just make sure these things are done by you not as a supplicating people-pleaser but as the magnificent, authentic man you are at your core. Consequently training the fine art of offering in courting. To get what you want (a great girlfriend), you have to bring something to the table.
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You’re on a hero’s journey, Martin. Busting and Going through these road blocks will help to make you a much better, more evolved man, while leading you to your soulmate. If I could go from dateless and dumped to a top dating coach, then you can and will find someaboute wonderful.
Got a dating question for Connell? Email it to [email protected]
Want Extra Inspiration With How To Ask A Girl For Nudes? Read this!
Photo: iStock
Filed Under: Featured Content, Sex & Relationships Tagged With: advice column, catfishing, Connell Barrett, dating, dating advice, relationship advice
About Connell Barrett
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Connell Barrett is a dating coach for men, the founder of DatingTransformation.com, a podcaster, and the author of Dating Sucks but You Don’t, a da newting guide for men.
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